"Those who plant in tears will harvest in shouts of joy."
I’ve found comfort in this verse today. Just like the last image post I made (from Instagram), I explained how this verse was such a great reminder to me on how my tears of frustration and stress are not in vain in God’s eyes. They aren’t forgotten or ignored by God. He put these challenges in my life because He knew I could handle it while molding me more into a child of Him. This put me in my place. To know that we have such a gentle and mighty God loving us so much.
The past couple of weeks have been a real struggle lately. On top of my insomnia, I was sleeping at 4,5,6 in the morning – the times my dad would be waking up and getting to work. Besides not actually sleeping, I found myself getting extremely depressed. I started bingeing on food at late hours of the night to the point where I wanted to throw up. I’ve been checking myself in the mirror lately and have not been happy with what I laid my eyes on. I’ve gained a lot of weight and I feel very gross. Yes, I’ve been underweight my whole life, but I’ve been gaining weight in all the wrong places. Ugh. My anxiety attacks have been getting worse because I would occasionally forget how to breathe. And I constantly feel like I’m cornered. Complete suffocation. I’ve been feeling very lonely as well. Suicidal thoughts have completely taken over my body. It’s been horrible.
Am I completely fine now? If I said yes, I’d be lying. But if you were to ask me if I was okay? Then yeah, I guess so. Better than before.
God’s word & promised helped me in this situation. My friend Michael nominated me on Facebook to the the bible challenge where we’d have to share a verse and explain why we chose to share it. I’ll be honest and say I completely neglected it because that would of meant that I had to go through verses and search for something to share. Because, let’s be honest, my bible game ain’t strong at all. No boy.
I signed up for school recently, little did I know, I enrolled too late and am not able to go to school this semester. I found out yesterday and told my mother right away, only to hear disappointment in her voice. Today, I mustered up the courage to tell my father the bad news. But before my parents came back from work, I spent about half an hour in prayer and worship. I prayed to God that He will guide me. That if it was in His will to have me stay out of school another semester, that I’d be okay with it. That I trusted Him to guide me through whatever path He takes me. I also asked Him to provide my parents with a patient, open-minded, heart. That no matter the outcome of the situation, praise will still fall from my lips to glorify God’s name.
After talking to my parents, I realized how God answered my little prayer for them to have patience and open-mindedness with me. I was so incredibly thankful.
Upon coming across this verse, it put me into such a comfort zone. One I haven’t felt in a very long time. I was at peace for once. It felt really great.
I realized how my thoughts for this post are completely scattered everywhere and is not really organized at all. I apologize if it didn’t make that much sense. I was just rambling about how good our God was and how His promise kept and is keeping me going.
God is good.
So very good.