….and I’m honestly not okay with that.
It’s selfish of me to think this way. It’s stupid and dumb and immature. But that’s the thing, I’m all those things listed. I’m not okay. I’ll add those to the reasons why you’re out of my league. Completely, out of my league. I’m no good for you. And according to you, or almost everyone, you’re no good for me either. So why do I have the strongest urge to want to prove them wrong? Because it’s not even that. That’s not the biggest reason. It’s cause I know we’re not good for one another. We’d distract each other. From the real goal. The real destination. We’d trip. Stumble. Fall. All stupid actions. We’d run further away from the thing, or should I say person, we need the most. Jesus.
Jesus. King Jesus. Why am I hurting so much? I know you understand my pain. But I just thought I’d let you know. I’m hurt. From him. And him. And her. And her. And her. And him. And them. Those people over there. They all make me want to cry. Or die, actually. But I’m too much of a coward to actually do anything about it. Or does that make me brave? But I’m weak. I’m weak to these thoughts. They get the very best of me. When I should be giving my all to you. I want to say that you are my all. My one and only. But it’s hard. Because I’m hard. And it hurts. And I don’t understand. Not one bit. And I’m selfish. And I’m lazy.
Jesus. Precious Jesus. Help me. Help me focus on you. And you only. Not by these dumb earthly things. Let me cast all my fears and anxiousness onto you. Is that okay?
I want to hunger.
I want to thirst.
I want to thrive.
I want to strive.
I want to run.